put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
