I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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