At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
