I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
