if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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