OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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