Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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