Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
