Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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