he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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