Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize