great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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