she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
