Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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