I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
