It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
