he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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