everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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