he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
