There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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