More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
