This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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