He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
