he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
