he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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