I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
