So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
