I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
