Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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