I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize