I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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