Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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