Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
