the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
