I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
