I will die if light touches me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
