I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
