I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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