thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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