did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
