Having a random hookup so left but love u
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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