I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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