You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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