If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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