The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
