Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
