I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
