i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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