Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
