a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize