I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
