Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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