ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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