And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize