Who wears a wallet chain?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
