Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
