You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
