The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
