As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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