I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
