Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
