Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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