I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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