I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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