end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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