Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
